Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
