I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
