I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
