My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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