The maid of honor just puked.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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