do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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