The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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