she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
