Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
