Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
