Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
