Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
