some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
