maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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