It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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