guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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