I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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