This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
