Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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