hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
