When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
