bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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