this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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