Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
