his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
