every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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