Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
