phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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