Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
