You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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