their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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