I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
