i was born a porn star she said
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
