I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
