You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we're so committed to being not committed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
