i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
