addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
