I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
