WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
handjob tips. give me some.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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