Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
