Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That accounts for only three of the penises
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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