The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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