tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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