girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
