I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
