your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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