two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
