My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
