I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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