He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
being pregnant is like rehab
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
